Do you have high cholestrol, are you a fat, lazy f$%*? Are you suffering the effects of many years of debauchery? Do you exceed your recommended weekly alcohol quota during most days? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then let us ask you one more question…

Do you want the insides of a 10 year old?

That’s right, do you want your vital organs to revert to their former pure, youthful and healthy state?

Yes? We thought so! The process is simple, to get the insides of a 10 year old you simple drink one shot of Stupid Business Ideas’ new MEGA Drink each day and after 37 days of drinking the MEGA Drink your insides will revert to those of a ten year old’s. Our unique, secret formula, blended from the finest açaí berries from the Brazillian rainforests and exotic herbs from the Orient plus the very best tap water from Rotherham in Yorkshire, will reverse those years of drinking and smoking (but not inhaling obviously), restoring that red glow to your vital organs.

Our formula with its various highly nutritional special ingredients has the added bonus of keeping you awake for days at a time giving you that extra pep in your step and giving you the ability to just get things done. Other soft drinks might give you wings but the MEGA Drink will give you a turbo charged jet engine.

Plus get these other awesome added benefits:

• lose as much weight as you like
• finally get the “can do” attitude you always wanted
• learn the licence plate of every car in your neighbourhood.
• have the cleanest apartment in town.
• skip sleeping whenever you want - really getting the most out of your life

We do recommend you stay drinking the MEGA Drink for the balance of your life as it just makes sense. Each 37 day course is only a staggering $37 a week on average. At that price, why would you want anything less than the insides of a 10 year old? The MEGA Drink from your friends at Stupid Business Ideas is available now at all good pharmacies and health food shops.

You, the public asked for it, so just in time for Christmas we are proud to announce Stupid Business Ideas is offering our exclusive Christmas Present Opening Service. Now you don’t have to put your loved ones through those agonising minutes (and sometimes hours) of anticipation, excitement, elation and happiness that Christmas present opening brings. That’s right our skilled team of professionals will storm into your house in the early hours of Christmas day morning and quickly and clinically open all of your family’s gifts, minimizing glad tidings and goodwill as they go, leaving you to enjoy a calmer, more excitement free Christmas day.

Plus, now enjoy the ultimate convenient Christmas when you sign up for our Christmas Dinner Eating Service…Stupid Business Ideas come through for you again in these difficult economic times with another brilliant yuletide service. Save yourself the hassle and weight gain of having to eat all that delicious Christmas fare – say no to turkey, Christmas pudding, mince pies, fish fingers and the other seasonal delights and let our team of keen eaters devour your Christmas feast in a matter of minutes saving you the trouble of doing dishes and going into a supposed tryptophan (not alcohol) induced coma.

Each service costs a festive $534 each or a seasonal $1067.09 if you order them together. Call us before Christmas to reserve the most pain free Christmas yet with the Christmas Present Opening Service and the Christmas Dinner Eating Service from your friends at Stupid Business Ideas.

Opening very soon in a crappy shopping mall near you – McGrumpkins Bar and Grill.

McGrumpkins Bar and Grill is the undisputed Number 3 when it comes to totally second-rate entertainment… feel free to take your pants off and enjoy a really crappy meal, get wasted and yell at a bunch of strangers, tag the walls, scream abuse at your server, hit on the staff, start food fights, dine and dash etc.

Now boasting:

• all-day happy hour
• dedicated deep-fried menu
• brunch and brinner specials
• almost felon-free work force
• smoking seats
• munchies and other food
• open dresscode
• table dancing
• dining room camodes

McGrumpkins is a great place to blow off work at, drink through that break-up, meet a man about a dog, watch the playoffs or propose to your girl. Make it McGrumpkins Bar and Grill for an evening of sub-par food, liquored up members of the opposite sex, unrivalled ambience and crappy service.

Take-out menu, in-house catering and other stuff now available.

McGrumpkins… if you don’t like it, we have done our jobs so &@/# off!!!

A couple of years ago it was revealed that Dasani water from the Coca-Cola company was in fact purified water from the municipal supply – ergo tap water. This led to a PR snafu in the UK where an old popular sitcom makes fun of the same idea. Dasani was quickly taken off the shelves, although it still sells elsewhere.

We propose a new take on this idea – bottled tap water called simply ‘Tap Water’. It would come in an over designed, over expensive bottle with a silly label.

Once the club kids get excited about it and after the inevitable loss of cool that follows (”It is tap water you know…”) the label would be changed to say… ‘Tap Water – It’s not tap water’ . At this point it is revealed that it’s actually pure water from an Alaskan iceberg or an Irish mountain spring.

Just as the buzz on this clever marketing concept dies down, a new phrase is added… ‘Tap Water – It’s not tap water… or is it?’ Somebody points out that there are no Alaskan icebergs left, and there are no mountains in Ireland.

Confusion reigns…. but the water keeps flowing.

Are you guilty of making alcohol-fueled late night phone calls to members of the opposite or same sex? Do you lose all sense of reason when inebriated? Are you a paid up member of the “liquid courage” club? Do you feel the need to make amorous propositions from your cellphone to people you previously found unattractive whenever you get loaded?

If you are familiar with any of the preceding questions then you need the life changing Mobile Phone Breathalyser!

Just attach our state-of-the-art breathalyser to your phone (special harness included), turn it on and you will never make a drunken phone call again.

If you attempt to make a call on your cell, you will be prompted to blow into the breathalyser. If you blow over the limit, a siren will sound alerting you and everyone in a 1 mile radius that you are shit-faced and are looking for some loving in all the wrong places.

You will of course always be able to place emergency calls to the Police, Emergency Services or Fire Brigade. We do want you to live after all.

New models and styles coming in all the time.

Check out our new in store promotions at our soon to be opened stores.