Are you starting to realise that you are not perfect? Are you even annoying yourself with those bad behavioral patterns you exhibit? Sometimes you just don’t know how to address your character flaws and noone else can be bothered to help you.

Now with the new Electronic Self Improvement System, you can shock yourself into becoming a better person. Simply install the “invisible” alarm vest, set to the character flaw/feeling you wish to correct, choose the tolerance level you require, turn it on and start the electrical voyage of self-improvement. For example. whenever you exceed your chosen limit for a behavior you receive a 18 volt electric shock along with an air raid siren sounding for thirty seconds, these measures provide a clear deterrent to you to stop being such a badly behaved asshole and smarten up

Character Flaw Alarm Systems currently available:

• Boring
• Overly enthusiastic
• Anxious
• Normal
• Anxious
• Feminist
• Ageist
• Sober
• Excessively nice
• Conservative
• Honest
• Deceptive
• Impatient

Available in all major drug stores this Christmas…finally, become the perfectly balanced person.

They said it couldn’t happen but the well for Stupid Business Ideas seems to have run somewhat dry. Unbelievable we have been coming up with only good business ideas in recent months and naturally our staff have become increasingly disenfranchised and frustrated.

Thanks to our totally mad executives and the imminent launch of a business saving initiative, we will soon be churning out masses of crappy, ill-conceived ideas once again thanks to our new software - CorrectImperfect v.1

You simply enter your good idea into our system electronically and the software takes care of the rest, stripping all the benefits and positive concepts from your plan replacing them with a flawed, totally implausible implimentation strategy and numerous inept hypotheses, giving us the stupid ideas we need and leaving you with your dreams in tatters.

Everybody wins!!