Next time you have trouble figuring out how to sum up a bad situation or need to break an awkward silence you simple call, text or email Cliches on Demand and within seconds, they will send you a ridiculous cliche which is perfect for the situation you face.

Cliches you could receive:

• By the skin of his teeth

• A wet bird never flies at night

• We thought it would never end, but it did

• She really pushed the boat out

• In my mind’s eye

• It’s the thought that counts

• Don’t do today what you can do tomorrow

• Thanks for the memories

• The devil makes work for idle hands

• He wants to have his cake and eat it too

• A stitch in time saves nine

• Better late than never

• You should never cast aspersions

• Life’s not so bad when you consider the alternative

• Don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched

• Procrastination is like masturbation the only one who gets f&cked is yourself

• His goose is cooked

• Too many cooks spoil the broth

• A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush

A couple of years ago it was revealed that Dasani water from the Coca-Cola company was in fact purified water from the municipal supply - ergo tap water. This led to a PR snafu in the UK where an old popular sitcom makes fun of the same idea. Dasani was quickly taken off the shelves, although it still sells elsewhere.

We propose a new take on this idea - bottled tap water called simply ‘Tap Water’. It would come in an over designed, over expensive bottle with a silly label.

Once the club kids get excited about it and after the inevitable loss of cool that follows (”It is tap water you know…”) the label would be changed to say… ‘Tap Water - It’s not tap water’ . At this point it is revealed that it’s actually pure water from an Alaskan iceberg or an Irish mountain spring.

Just as the buzz on this clever marketing concept dies down, a new phrase is added… ‘Tap Water - It’s not tap water… or is it?’ Somebody points out that there are no Alaskan icebergs left, and there are no mountains in Ireland.

Confusion reigns…. but the water keeps flowing.

Many people have said that I am in love with the sound of my own voice (it is pretty awesome afterall), but even I would sometimes like to sound different. Now, thanks to the Exotic Accent Institute, you too can sound like you are from a glamorous foreign country who is just passing through town. Impress friends and dumbfound critics with a totally revamped style of conversing.

It is a simple 3 step process:

1) quit your day job
2) attend a 10 week intensive Exotic Accent Course (three 3 hour sessions a day, 7 days a week for 10 weeks)
3) start speaking with a really bad accent

We are adding new sterotypical and politically incorrect accents all the time.

New Accents Currently Available:

• Brazillian Bikini Model
• Mad Hungarian
• Welsh Sheep Farmer/Shagger
• Impatient German Dominatrix
• French Maid on Acid
• Speeding New York Cab Driver
• Overweight Romanian Stripper
• Toffee Nosed English Aristocrat
• Texas Cowboy
• Polish Sausage Maker
• Irish River Dancer
• Chinese Takeaway Chef
• Spanish Bull Fighter

New Silicon valley start-up launches new beta service.

Many people have missed flights, dental appointments, slept through the workday etc. thanks to faulty alarm devices, their ability to tune out the alarm or desire to sleep. Surprisingly, even the staff at Stupid Business Ideas have slept through an alarm call on occasion. This is a very real problem in the world and one which is causing increasing social unrest in over-developed Western countries. How many more people will miss “the boat” before we wake up to this problem? It need not happen anymore…

After relentless research and painstaking analysis, a ground breaking company, ViolentWakeUps.com, seems to have found the most natural solution to this problem. It is based on a technical concept first contemplated by founder, George Gaglianini in the summer of 2005. Gaglianini is a true visionary who has married human nature and technology in such a dynamic way. We recently had the opportunity to chat with this E-trepreneur at his home in Mountain View.

“I suppose it was my understanding of the human psyche which first allowed me to gain real incite into this problem. I watched so many friends and family members develop a very real contempt for their alarm clocks and mobile phones. People were now allowing themselves to hit the snooze button over and over again and sleep past their previously planned wake up times. I realised I could, sort of, harness my people skills and telemarketing experience to develop a simple yet virtually flawless business model whereby people just post their violent wake up order on the website or call it in. The orders are then out-sourced to our regional agents. Our agents boast an average repeat user rating of 99.87% and our agents love their work”.We have to say we found Gaglianini to be a motivated, savvy technocrat who clearly understands the Web 2.0 Facebook/Google world which most of us live in some of the time. Time will tell but everyone in the valley is secretly whispering his name.

How to use ViolentWakeUps.com

Simply call their 24 hour booking agents on 1-555-wake-ups or go online at ViolentWakeUps.com and give them your location and the time you wish to be awoken at and they will take care of the rest.

Types of Violent Wake Ups currently available:

• foghorn
• swat team raid
• classic gong
• bedside pyrotechnics
• traditional pot and pan bashing
• home intruder
• spouse/partner screaming through megaphone

Violent Wake Ups start as low as US$43.87 with a pre-booking coupon which is available after booking.